1 00:00:00,801 --> 00:00:03,204 [Rock music] 2 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,772 Girls, i need your attention. 3 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:08,276 You also need a booster seat for most places. 4 00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,312 No, I came out to tell you some big news. 5 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,347 You also came out when you wore that sweater 6 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,249 to work today. 7 00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:18,752 John Mayer wore this sweater in details. 8 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:21,655 Tonight, we are trying family-style service. 9 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,533 I thought family-style service was what I had to do 10 00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,294 with my uncle. 11 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:29,463 Well, my family-style is more "potluck"... 12 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:34,302 Heavy on the pot, not so heavy on the luck. 13 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:37,305 Why would a family come here? 14 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:40,574 If I see a child in here, I'm calling the police. 15 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:44,112 It's like seeing a dog locked in a hot car. 16 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,814 Chicken cacciatore, family-style. 17 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,350 Liver and onions, family-style. 18 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:52,453 Spaghetti and meatballs, my family-style, 19 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,123 which means the balls are kinda small, 20 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:59,493 but the noodles are extra long. 21 00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:02,330 You bring out the food in large bowls 22 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,298 and the customers serve themselves, 23 00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:08,102 as they've been doing since I hired you two. 24 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,603 Good idea, han. 25 00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,605 The diner food does belong in a big bowl... 26 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:15,143 The toilet bowl. 27 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:19,713 I don't know what your uncle saw in you. 28 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,183 (peter bjorn and John) * ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh 29 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:23,384 [cash register bell dings] 30 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:28,489 * ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh * 31 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,728 Max, I just found something 32 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,564 very upsetting on my phone. 33 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,867 Another free U2 album? 34 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,469 Worse. 35 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:44,238 And worse than an e-vite to a friend's improv show. 36 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,476 It's an e-mail from the managing director 37 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,878 of all the high restaurants saying he's seen our sales 38 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,381 and is disappointed with my performance. 39 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:56,584 Duh-lete... 40 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:57,851 Like I do with all 41 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,620 the "disappointed in your performance" texts 42 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:02,323 I get from guys after sex. 43 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,259 Sorry, gents! My boobs make a promise 44 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:08,296 my bad back can't deliver. 45 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:11,365 Those bad sales numbers are not our fault. 46 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,301 Our unit's out at the airport. 47 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:14,544 Well, I'm not taking ownership of this 48 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,470 because my unit is not at the airport. 49 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:19,373 It's in my bed table drawer. 50 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:22,243 I'm the manager. It's on me. 51 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:25,513 As is this tartar stain. It just refuses to come out. 52 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:29,250 You'd think it's parents were baptist. 53 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,584 [Bell rings] 54 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,453 Well, manager, i need to get out of there 55 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,322 early tomorrow to do Sophie's wedding cake, 56 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:37,758 and also because you're annoying as a boss. 57 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:40,228 Hey, everybody! 58 00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:47,768 Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me... 59 00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:51,439 I love being a bride. You don't even have to pretend 60 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:54,342 it's about anyone else. 61 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,410 Kinda like me, when I was rich. 62 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:59,547 Pretty much every single day still. 63 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,216 Good news, bad news. The good news is 64 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:07,888 the rash is not spreading past my nuts. 65 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:11,292 And that's the good news. 66 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,494 Bad news... The wedding donkey we booked 67 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,930 for the church service died. 68 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:19,267 I'll ask the obvious question. 69 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:23,304 Did it have anything to do with the rash? 70 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,838 I mean, what are we gonna do? 71 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,540 It's not a traditional Polish wedding 72 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:30,244 without an ass walking down the aisle. 73 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:33,681 I think Oleg's got that covered. 74 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:37,251 Girls, we need an ass, you have a horse... 75 00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,986 Same family, but not related, 76 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:43,524 like the Jolie-pitt kids. 77 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,859 No way. Chestnut is my baby. 78 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,762 Well, the donkey was getting a thousand bucks. 79 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,731 Baby's gotta work. 80 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,866 [Rock music] 81 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,868 Wow, business is slower than the third season 82 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:58,339 of house of cards. 83 00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,907 You know what's doing great business? 84 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,744 It's my new grindr profile. 85 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:08,749 Changed my screen name to "suction junction". 86 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,819 That damn cinnabon next door is taking all our business. 87 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,887 What kind of low lives would prefer those 88 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,524 to these fine desserts? 89 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:19,827 I found a secret pathway to the cinnabon kitchen! 90 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:23,431 Move, bitch! 91 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,367 Really? You too? I just don't get. 92 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:30,404 It's an acquired taste, like crystal meth. 93 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,739 [Cell phone chimes] 94 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,873 Ugh. 95 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,809 Great. My waiter's gonna be late again. 96 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,578 "Held up at the tsa line." 97 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,580 That's what I get for hiring an airport waiter 98 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,782 named Mohammed machdinajihad. 99 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,620 Oh, look, Ronnie, a new place. 100 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:49,790 I see it, Bonnie, I'm right next to you. 101 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,925 Didn't this used to be the bar we got wasted in 102 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,427 before our flights? 103 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,928 I can't remember. I was wasted. 104 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,464 [Both laugh] 105 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,698 Welcome to the high... 106 00:04:57,731 --> 00:05:00,601 The finest in high quality desserts. 107 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,903 We also have yogurts, cappuccinos, lattes, coffee, 108 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,405 herb teas, or smart waters. 109 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,441 And did I mention we're a boingo hotspot? 110 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,443 Take it down a notch. 111 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:10,954 You're selling it harder than Anne hathaway 112 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,813 on the tonight show. 113 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,416 Oh, hi, I'm not here to buy, just to look. 114 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:19,420 On a diet... Since 1998. 115 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:20,788 Oh dear lord, those look amazing. 116 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,856 - Can I just smell a piece? - Bonnie, don't. 117 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:25,092 It'll get you going, and then halfway to Paris, 118 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:28,729 I'll find you in coach binging on a bag of sun chips. 119 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,731 That's my favorite thing about the job. 120 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:33,501 [Both laughing] 121 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,135 Oh, Paris reminds me. 122 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,904 I bought two first class tickets to Paris... 123 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,906 On three credit cards that will escalate 20% 124 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,641 over six years... anyway... 125 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,042 I really need to return them. 126 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,753 What's the window on that with your airline? 127 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,079 A month... about the same amount of time I have 128 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:49,450 until this fake smile finally falls off my face. 129 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,084 Lady, we're flight attendants. 130 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,686 If that smile falls off your face, 131 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,956 you're gonna have to get a job at southwest. 132 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,667 Why are you returning them? You don't like Paris? 133 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,127 J'adore Paris, but long story short... 134 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,995 Uh, I'll make it short because she's incapable 135 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,865 and will throw in lots more of that fake French. 136 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,576 Bought the tickets so that I could get to the gate 137 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,101 to see a guy I was banging. 138 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,703 I hear ya. 139 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,605 I once hid in the luggage cart for 12 hours 140 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:12,940 to do it with this cute guy 141 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,408 who works at customs here. 142 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,910 Oh, right. Rick. What's he doing now? 143 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,479 Me, every third Tuesday. 144 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,614 [Laughing] 145 00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:22,783 Ahh, don't leave me hanging, ladies. 146 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,485 Ah. If we hadn't just read lean in 147 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:27,054 in our wine club... I mean book club... 148 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,989 We'd be real jealous of you gals. 149 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,425 We always had a dream to open a shop at the airport. 150 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,702 Well, whatever it is, just don't open 151 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,662 near a cinnabon because failure smells 152 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:37,164 a hell of a lot like cinnamon. 153 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,632 (Female voice) Final boarding call 154 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,734 for flight 24 to Paris. Final boarding call. 155 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:43,103 Final boarding call? We better hurry. 156 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,706 [Both laughing] 157 00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:52,079 [Instrumental music] 158 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,851 Wow, everything looks so much smaller in here 159 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,653 than I remembered it. 160 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,197 Like returning to your old high school... 161 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:04,658 Or your old high school boyfriend's penis. 162 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,828 Not mine. I went to an urban high school. 163 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,064 What's that weird smell? 164 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,534 Probably that milk. It's been in here so long, 165 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,937 its own photo was on the carton. 166 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:22,976 No, it's over here. Really pungent. 167 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,778 Yes! 168 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:35,556 Mm... I might owe you two some rent. 169 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,691 Unless you wanna settle in weed. 170 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:40,060 I always wanna settle in weed. 171 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,963 In fact, I plan to retire there. 172 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,765 Marijuana's in the closet? 173 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,735 This is more shocking than Meredith Baxter-birney. 174 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:52,973 Look, I figured since you two abandoned the cupcake shop, 175 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,875 this space was available. 176 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,844 Also, I stopped asking permission for stuff 177 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,912 when I turned 70. 178 00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:00,748 We did not abandon it. 179 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,716 We just haven't paid attention to it in 3 months, 180 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,519 like me with any hair above my mid-thigh. 181 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:06,687 Tell me about it. 182 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,088 When you bend over in that skirt, 183 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,157 it looks like you're giving birth to art Garfunkel. 184 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:18,532 Me, me, me, me, me, me, me! 185 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:21,068 Oh, good. Earl, you're here. 186 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:26,574 Yes, I am. Don't tell any of my ex-wives. 187 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,642 Earl, would you do me the honor 188 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:31,211 and walk me down the aisle tomorrow night? 189 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,780 Sophie, sorry. 190 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,057 I didn't know your father was dead. 191 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:37,618 Did he die upon meeting Oleg? 192 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,086 Oh, he's not dead, 193 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:42,990 but I'm not getting upstaged by an iron lung. 194 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,694 Well, Earl, how could you say no 195 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,029 to such a heartfelt request? 196 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,798 I'd be honored, Sophie. 197 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,132 Like the wedding saying goes, 198 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,602 something old, something new, 199 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,636 something borrowed, 200 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,906 and someone black. 201 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,808 Oh, Caroline, look. 202 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,910 Here are the pink ribbons for Chestnut. 203 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:06,013 Chestnut has to be covered in girly ribbons? 204 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,948 I can't do that to my boy. 205 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,316 I'll throw in another 50. 206 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,585 I guess there's a reason "horse" sounds 207 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,987 so much like "whore." 208 00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:17,658 Now, we're all gonna leave for the church at 6:00, 209 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,827 but I told Earl 4:00, 210 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:23,196 'cause, well... You know. 211 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:32,105 - * mm-hm hm hmm - what's happening over there? 212 00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,807 Max, you're humming! 213 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,008 [Scoffs] What? 214 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,944 [Laughs] Please... 215 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,078 I am not a Hummer. 216 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,212 I mean, I'll drive in them, 217 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:43,216 I'll give them, but I am not one. 218 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,918 [Continues humming] 219 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,755 Oh, my god, I am humming! What's wrong with me? 220 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:50,090 What am I gonna do next, smile? 221 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,194 That's right! Today's special promotion, 222 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,830 in and out in five minutes or your dessert is half off. 223 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,032 Eat it, cinnabon. 224 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,635 Pear tart and a coffee. Come on, I'm on a clock here. 225 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,171 Who had the damn pear tart and a coffee? 226 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,239 Max, hurry! Five minutes, in and out! 227 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,851 Yeah, the one thing you don't have to explain 228 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,877 to me is "in and out." 229 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,945 I need help! I never said I was fast. 230 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,356 All my high school guidance counselors did, 231 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:14,982 but I did not. 232 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,249 I'll go get John off break 233 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,885 because my waiter still isn't here. 234 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,095 This whole middle east situation 235 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,621 is just so inconvenient for me. 236 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,826 Okay, now we have a real situation. 237 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,394 You hit someone. Damn it, Max. 238 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:29,863 It's not about me. It's Sophie. 239 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,131 Her gown arrived from Poland 240 00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:34,067 and it's stuck in customs out here. 241 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,736 (Sophie on phone) My gown! 242 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,170 My beautiful gown! 243 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:40,674 [Screaming] Oh, my god! My gown! 244 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,676 Wow. She is really upset. 245 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:43,944 Really upset, 246 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,646 'cause this isn't even on speaker. 247 00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:51,018 Yes, it's awful, but look on the bright side. 248 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,320 Our certain-to-be-hideous bridesmaids dresses 249 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,955 are stuck in customs too. 250 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,157 No, those arrived. 251 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,259 Damn it! First, it's the middle east, 252 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,360 now those dresses. 253 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,863 I cannot catch a break. 254 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,833 Wow, this place is packed. 255 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,434 Remember us? Bonnie and Ronnie? 256 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,369 We knew you when. 257 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,370 Hey, wait, uh, Ronnie, 258 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,906 didn't you say that you boned a guy in customs? 259 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:15,042 That was Bonnie. I have standards... 260 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,477 And he didn't like me. 261 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,280 To be clear, I did have sex with the customs guy, 262 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,414 but not in customs. 263 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:24,785 It was in one of those family bathrooms. 264 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,453 Look, is there any way you could help us 265 00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,188 get a package out of customs? 266 00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,791 Wait... What bra am I wearing? 267 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,359 Oh, done! 268 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,460 [Both laugh] 269 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:37,164 John, we're leaving. You're in charge. 270 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,966 Max! We can't leave right now. 271 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,944 The wedding's not till tonight and we're in the middle 272 00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,036 of a store promotion and we're losing. 273 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,138 You know I'm gonna kill you, right? 274 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,840 I just have to figure out how. 275 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,217 Top contender is hooking your necklace 276 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,310 on the front gate and pushing up. 277 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,179 We'll stay as late as possible. 278 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,082 Just pick up Sophie's dress box and hop on the subway. 279 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:59,953 Easy peasy. 280 00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,230 (Male announcer) Watch the closing doors, please. 281 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,956 [Struggling] Ugh... oho... 282 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,793 Why is nothing easy peasy? 283 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:10,964 * 284 00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,232 * 285 00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:13,843 (male voice) Watch the closing doors, please. 286 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,335 I am watching the doors! 287 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,504 It's hard not to. They're about to eat my box. 288 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,039 [Laughing] 289 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,841 [Mocking laugh] 290 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,109 Yeah, real funny, sir. 291 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,277 A girl said, "eat my box." Grow up. 292 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:29,850 [Whimper] Jeez! How could a dress be this big? 293 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,853 This is just the veil. 294 00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,063 I have to get something out of my bag. 295 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,522 Hold this by yourself for a second. 296 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,992 [Groans] 297 00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:41,328 I can't find it. Here, take this. 298 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,830 What is this? 299 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,231 A hundred dollars in change. 300 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,875 We need it for the wedding. It's a Polish custom 301 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,267 to throw change at the bride. 302 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,870 Loose change? Live animals? 303 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:53,140 Is this a wedding or a cock fight? 304 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,407 Max, this is heavy! 305 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,109 What do you have to get out of your bag? 306 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,545 - Something important. - What is it? 307 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,914 The rest of my cinnabon. 308 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,582 Max, that's our competition! 309 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,918 The reason for our failure is that piece of crap. 310 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:06,319 I mean, I ca... 311 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:09,456 Oh, my god, this is delicious! 312 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,260 No! Max, he's got the money bag. 313 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,528 [Yelp] [Scattering coins] 314 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:18,431 No... No! No, no, no! 315 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:21,134 That is our Polish bride money! 316 00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,435 Back off! 317 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,204 This is not the day to the screw with me. 318 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,472 I'm at the business bottom 319 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,341 and I've had nothing to lose since 2011. 320 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:33,246 [Screeching brakes] [Loud clunk] 321 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,448 (Male voice) Queen's Plaza. 322 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:39,419 Yup. That's what would happen next. 323 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:42,422 [Rock music] 324 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:47,327 * 325 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,196 What's the hold up back there? 326 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:51,464 People are placing bets that I'm halfway to Reno 327 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,334 with a hooker and the wedding cash. 328 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,203 Relax. After that subway, 329 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,039 Max and Caroline needed some time to freshen up. 330 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,041 They came smelling like that diner cheese 331 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:04,577 I tell you all is still good. 332 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:07,614 Hey, everybody! 333 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,550 We look just like Sophie! I am so relieved. 334 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:14,287 I thought I'd be way overdressed but I'm just under-boobed. 335 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,555 Yeah, we were in a hurry 336 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,557 or I would have loaned her a cup of mine. 337 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,027 All right. 338 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,295 Oleg, stop looking at us like that. 339 00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:26,166 It's okay. I'm marrying you. 340 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,969 You guys look like the four tops. 341 00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:32,139 Well, two tops and a bottom. 342 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,577 Oleg, Sophie doesn't want you to see her. 343 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,180 Jump on Chestnut and start down the aisle. 344 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,149 And Chestnut, I'm sorry, baby. 345 00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:46,419 I know you never wanted to do drag. 346 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,422 And, han, you're supposed to take this 347 00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:52,392 in case something happens in the aisle. 348 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:56,029 This just went from best man to worst job. 349 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:59,032 [Bombastic music] 350 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:07,066 * 351 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:11,911 * hey! 352 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:17,150 Hi. 353 00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:18,685 What do you think, girls? 354 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,522 Do I look like a virgin? 355 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,291 [Horns sound] 356 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:27,660 I heard the tubas. That's my cue! Go, girls. Go! 357 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,663 [Brassy folk music] 358 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:38,638 * 359 00:15:54,721 --> 00:16:02,662 * 360 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,269 Oh, god! 361 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,770 Her dress almost killed us 362 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,439 and now it killed Earl. 363 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,343 [Gasps] Thanks. 364 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,478 I thought i was a goner. 365 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,050 [Organ music] 366 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,785 Time for the vows. 367 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:30,357 Bring the crowns! 368 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,093 And crowned is married... 369 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:37,630 [Drawn out] With honor. 370 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,534 Ohhh... 371 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:45,205 Raise the crowns to their heads. 372 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:57,350 Better go. This is as good as 373 00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,453 it's gonna get without a ladder. 374 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:06,293 I, Sophie kachinsky... 375 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:15,302 Take you, Oleg golishevsky 376 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,670 to love and to Cherish, 377 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,407 to have and to hold, 378 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,176 never to leave your side 379 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:26,813 'til death comes to take me. 380 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:31,118 I, Oleg golishevsky, 381 00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,553 take you, Sophie kachinsky, 382 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,688 to love and to Cherish, 383 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,158 to have and to hold, 384 00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:39,559 never to leave your side 385 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,695 'til death comes to take me. 386 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:49,802 I pronounce you husband and wife! 387 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,838 [Applause] 388 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:56,443 Max, now you throw the coins. 389 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,746 [Coins clunking faintly] 390 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,349 Long story. 391 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,587 Wow, girl, your fingers work fast. 392 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,689 [Giggles] Must be from years 393 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:12,725 of opening those 501 button-fly jeans... 394 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,661 Mine and others'. 395 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,863 Max, I'm done waiting. I need that piece 396 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,431 of cake right now. 397 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,866 We just had a close call in the air. 398 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:22,269 So close, we gave the finger to the pilot 399 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,704 in the plane next to us. 400 00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,273 We almost crashed, and I didn't wanna 401 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:27,607 go down screaming, 402 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,909 "i should have opened a daycare center!" 403 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:34,614 I usually go down screaming, "you didn't buy me dinner!" 404 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:35,882 Bonnie, let's admit it. 405 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,617 We're never gonna go for our dream, 406 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:40,487 just like we never went to get those colonics. 407 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,355 If we really wanted our own business, 408 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:45,625 we would have done it already, like Max and Caroline did. 409 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,861 You're right, we did. 410 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,764 John, cut these two the biggest piece 411 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,467 of coconut macadamia nut cake we have. 412 00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:57,637 Oh my god. I think I just climaxed. 413 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,706 Well, then pull your panties on 414 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,709 and slink the hell out like you usually do. 415 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,412 [Both laugh] 416 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,380 Caroline, I need to talk to you. 417 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:08,581 What are you doing? 418 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:11,684 Working! I'm very sick. 419 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,754 Bonnie and Ronnie out there just reminded me of something. 420 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,424 I mean, besides two aunts drunk on vacation. 421 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:21,794 We have our own business. The high isn't our failure. 422 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,830 We already have our very own failure 423 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:26,333 called Max's homemade cupcakes. 424 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,676 And if we stay here, we're building 425 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,437 someone else's dream, not ours. 426 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:31,538 Also, if we stay, 427 00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:34,874 your ass will be the size of a house. 428 00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:38,545 I mean, when was the last time you felt happy here? 429 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,813 Like 30 seconds ago when you said this place 430 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,782 wasn't our failure and I remembered I was holding 431 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:46,553 another one of these in my other hand. 432 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:47,920 Let's get out of this airport. 433 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:51,358 We never have to see another Nicholas sparks novel again. 434 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,692 First, we have to get rid 435 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:54,794 of those two plane tickets to Paris. 436 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,964 Do we? 437 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,701 I mean, if we're gonna fail 438 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,337 we can still do that after a week in Paris, right? 439 00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:05,805 Right. 440 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:08,475 I'm so stoked! I've never been in first class. 441 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:11,711 Except, Max, this is coach. 442 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,846 I got a refund on one ticket and traded in the other 443 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,949 to buy two coach tickets and to pay for a cheap hotel. 444 00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:19,319 I'm so stoked. I've never been in coach. 445 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,853 [Giggles] And also so 446 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:21,854 we have money to spend. 447 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,857 We should be able to do Paris for a week on $12. 448 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,660 Of course, we can. 449 00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:30,797 What's the difference between coach and first, anyway? 450 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,499 The champagne. 451 00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,434 We'll be back with the good crackers, 452 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,002 and I don't mean us. 453 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,937 [Both laugh] 454 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:41,941 Well, partner, after all we've been 455 00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:44,377 through this year, whatever comes next, 456 00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,279 I kinda feel ready for it. 457 00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,948 (Bonnie) Flight crew, prepare for take-off. 458 00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:52,652 [Humming] 459 00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:55,288 Hey, now you're humming. 460 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:57,256 I am? 461 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,731 Hey, can I trade this in for a beer?